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I like the smell of old popsicle sticks
I bet you didn’t know that;
You didn’t know that I hurt alone,
And when I am in a pair or in a crowd
I am always alone.

Today I walked;
Kicked an old dandelion to watch the seeds scatter,
Poked an anthill to watch the ants scatter,
Smelled popsicle stick flowers,
Was scattered.

I like to feel your fingertips on my fingertips
You don’t know that;
You don’t know that I want to kiss your forehead,
Touch your face, then hold you
Until we both stop crying.
©2003-2010 ~whoisphillip
:iconwhoisphillip:

Author's Comments

I liked the feeling in Popsicle Sticks the first, because it was how i felt at the time, but poetically it sucks. This one is a bit better i think, though comments and criticisms would still be appreciated.

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:iconnihilim:
This isn't really my style, and unfortunately, that's all I can comment on. This style normally doesn't do it for me because of the inherant dissociation. The repeated referencing to yourself repeatedly lets me know that this isn't me we could be talking about. Then you use 'you'. That's another stylistic nitpick of mine. I don't like being told what I do and don't know, normally. However, and please keep this in mind,

these are only stylistic nitpicks, and believe you me, I don't know style.

--
-i: a.i,=n_
:iconldemosthenes:
i like the second stanza.

this is very prosepoemy.

--
here lies one whose name was writ in water
:icondevilicious:
i like this a lot - i think its a bit awkward onthe last two lines in the first stanza - maybe the verb tense. in the second stanza, final line, mabye feel scattered instead of "was" - that word is awkward to the flow as i read it out loud

nice imagery and touching - good work :clap:

--
**art requires an open mind**
:iconoldcrankypotato:
I just read this one again.

I love the third stanza. The imagery is...very personal. It relates well to the way I'm feeling at the moment, which is why I thought to look at it again.

I...feel like I want to take you in my arms and hide away from the world. Like I want everything to disappear, leaving only us to remain. I...don't know what else I can say.
:iconillamo:
Y.. e.. !!!?? EH AAAAAAH screw it +fav

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May 31, 2003

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